does anyone else have a problem with the tumblr app on their phones? I can’t open mine for some reason.
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- me: they're my babies
- person: but they're twice your a-
- me: babies. mine.
- mom: your room is a mess!
- me: remember when you had a life and stopped making bitchy comments about mine ?
I need volunteers
For what?
I’m going to the airport wearing an expensive black dress with a diamond necklace and glasses of champagne in both hands, waltzing through, casually reminding my chauffeur to haul my bags in for me. I need 4-5 attractive people (race+gender doesn’t matter) wearing clothes that are not better than mine, and cool sunglasses begging me not to leave, on their knees, barely grasping my dress because they want me to stay but at the same time they know the dress is worth more than anything they can ever afford. Turning around ever so slightly and almost spilling, but not quite all the way there, my champagne, I’ll laugh and say quite loudly, “darlings I have to visit my ACTUAL husband!”
passive aggressive family members
"guess i’ll never be a grandma"
"guess i’ll never be an aunt"
"guess i’ll never be able to dress a niece/nephew"
stop feeling so entitled to my hypothetical offspring. it is not yours. it is mine. i will grow it if i grow it. and it will be mine. not yours. i am not an incubator which grants you familial titles. jesus. go away. this “have a baby i can play with” thing is so impersonal and insensitive and annoying.
Concept: we are together. you are sleeping with your body wrapped around mine. it is quiet. my mind is calm. we are happy.

